I know it is absurd to debate the rules of a reality that does not exist, but this genuinely irks me. You cannot kill a vampire with an MDF stake; werewolves can’t fly; zombies do not run. It’s a misconception, a bastardisation that diminishes a classic movie monster. The best phantasmagoria uses reality to render the inconceivable conceivable. The speedy zombie seems implausible to me, even within the fantastic realm it inhabits. A biological agent, I’ll buy. Some sort of super-virus? Sure, why not. But death? Death is a disability, not a superpower. It’s hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all.
More significantly, the fast zombie is bereft of poetic subtlety. As monsters from the id, zombies win out over vampires and werewolves when it comes to the title of Most Potent Metaphorical Monster. Where their pointy-toothed cousins are all about sex and bestial savagery, the zombie trumps all by personifying our deepest fear: death. Zombies are our destiny writ large. Slow and steady in their approach, weak, clumsy, often absurd, the zombie relentlessly closes in, unstoppable, intractable.
However (and herein lies the sublime artfulness of the slow zombie), their ineptitude actually makes them avoidable, at least for a while. If you’re careful, if you keep your wits about you, you can stave them off, even outstrip them - much as we strive to outstrip death. Drink less, cut out red meat, exercise, practice safe sex; these are our shotguns, our cricket bats, our farmhouses, our shopping malls. However, none of these things fully insulates us from the creeping dread that something so witless, so elemental may yet catch us unawares - the drunk driver, the cancer sleeping in the double helix, the legless ghoul dragging itself through the darkness towards our ankles.
“It was one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen,” Condon told Movieline. He explained how it all happened.
“In that second movie, as you know from the book, a half-hour of it takes place in this one location, this one field,” Condon said. “We shot there for, when you include the second unit, a couple of months — but the first unit was there for many weeks.”
“When we came to the last, widest shot, with 80 vampires on one side and 27 vampires on the other, I’m sitting up the ladder and suddenly you hear this music — ‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This).’ And the Cullen side starts this incredible, West Side Story-kind of rumble. The other vampires then start to dance back. It was unbelievably big.”
Who was responsible for the vampire dance-off? “I know Myanna Buring was behind it, and Lee Pace,” Condon said. “There were a couple of others. I should figure out exactly who. But they kept it a secret! They rehearsed this number for a week, and kept it a secret. It was so great.”
@cleolinda: So I pretty much don’t doubt anyone’s commitment to Sparkle Motion now.
@stringertheory: This has confirmed two things for me: Lee Pace IS in fact made of awesome and your Jets/Sharks vampire rumble is canon.
@cleolinda: Well, when you put it that way, I’m just sad the dance-off wasn’t to the strains of “Love Is a Battlefield.”
like, i adore fassy. but keira has every right to not want to be touched in a pretty damn sexual way by someone. just because he’s attractive doesn’t mean she’s obligated to have him actually spank her when pretending would do just as well for the purposes of the film.
consent is still key, even if it’s your celebrity crush.
And I suppose because she didn’t have actual intercourse with James McAvoy in Atonement it would equally make her a tool…. This is ridiculous. I’m on her side, no matter whom is dishing out the sexual activity. You go, fabulous woman!
Wow, ok. Wasn’t expecting all this hating.
My comment to Keira Knightley being a tool was not really in response to her request but rather her attitude about the scene. Making death threats isn’t exactly professional.
Totally agree with aaronburlesque.
Neither is threatening someone when they’re tied to a bed. I’m not discounting the fact that saying “I’ll kill you” isn’t cool, but there is a difference between an idle threat and specifically referring to someone’s position to cow them- which is what Fassbender did.
This is the same Michael Fassbender who was brought up on domestic assault charges.
Yeah, he doesn’t need to touch me either.
Did she think she was allowed to set boundaries? Silly woman. After all it’s not like he could have said or done something to make her uncomfortable what his history of being such a gentleman…oh wait.
What a selfish bitch, wanting to keep her internal organs un-exploded!
He snarls in response to his wife’s request that he drive their daughter to soccer that soccer is “Europe’s covert war for the hearts and minds of America’s kids.”
Tells a kid named Kyle that he has a good “man’s name,” only to be crushed when he learns it’s the kid’s mother’s maiden name. (Side note: If you’re going to have your tradition-masculinity-obsessed hero talk about what is and isn’t a good man’s name, I’m not sure “Kyle” is the best example.)
Says he likes where he works because it “smells like balls in here.”
Laments boys who play soccer and use hair gel.
Doubles over in agony about his daughter’s boyfriend going to a tanning salon.
Laughs hysterically at the idea that his wife could drive his truck for a day and he could drive the minivan.
Encounters a weak, “unmanly” day care provider who doesn’t let him call his grandson “champ” because it “implies victory over another person.” Said unmanly man invites Mike to meet another kid’s “two dads” who are inside making flax and pumpkin muffins. “Please tell me that’s not [the dads’] names,” says Mike.
Directly after hearing about the “two dads,” is asked to take his shoes off because they’re “building a mosque out of pillows.” When he hears this, he grabs his grandson and grabs him from the daycare and runs.
Tells his daughter that her son can’t go to that daycare anymore, because he’ll wind up “dancing on a float,” which Allen follows with an imitation of, I guess, a gay man dancing. He adds, “The only time men should be dancing is when people are shooting at their feet.”
“I’m not an ATM. You know how I know? I only speak English.”
I know I already reblogged this but I forgot to add: these moments are actually part of the entire feel of the show, where he spends the entire time basically posturing, making fun of anything even remotely feminine, and basically acting superior to any person he comes into contact with, including his own family. He spends the entire show just exuding this gross attitude; these aren’t moments that stick out as odd or out of place - they fit right in with the overall feel.
And his daughter is 16 years old and has a baby son, and there was some roundabout slut shaming for that that I’d bet real money is going to advance to in-your-face slut shaming at some point in the future.
THE GREEKS HAVE GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. ALL OF THE AWARDS. EVERY. LAST. ONE.
I’m Greek, sup.
Okay, so here’s the thing. I took an entire semester on ancient Greek and Roman conceptions of gender and sexuality, so it bothers me when people say things like this, because it’s WRONG. The Greeks had very complicated feelings on homosexuality. Pretty much, Greeks who practiced homosexuality, because it was not the dominant culture, felt the need to justify it. A lot. With philosophy, because that’s what ancient Greeks did. In ancient Greece, there was this practice called pederasty, wherein you, an adult, free, male, have a reciprocal relationship with a teenage son of one of your friends, where you teach him about legal systems, since in a true democracy everyone is part of the government, you take him to parties and introduce him to people who will be good political connections, you talk to him about philosophy, and in return, he lets you have sex with him. Then, once he’s old enough to grow a beard, he’s actually a man, and then you stop having sex with him because you don’t have sex with free adult males. (This system was basically in place because they didn’t have the time/money/resources to have a public school system). You can have sex with teenagers, you can have sex with slaves, you can have sex with women, because they’re not real people. That was the accepted version of Greek homosexuality. Then occasionally people would actually fall in love or whatever and want to be in a relationship with two men as equals, and that’s when they wrote philosophy about it in order to argue that it was actually okay, and even better than sex with women. They had to argue that because most of Greek society didn’t think that. The modern concept of homosexuality, where it’s a relationship between to equals, was not something that “the greeks” as a whole agreed upon, and they largely looked down on it. They weren’t as stuffy as the Romans, and so you could talk about it openly, but it was still not something that most people approved of. Also, all of the arguments in favor of homosexuality were based on the fact that women aren’t worthwhile partners because they don’t have brains. So you can go ahead and celebrate Socrates, who was a huge mo, for standing up for what he believed in, but it’s not exactly like Ancient Greek society was better than ours. (Also, all of their achievements were possible directly because they had slaves. If they had to pay people to work their fields, they wouldn’t have had time for all that pretty philosophy). Also, thinking that homosexuality is better than heterosexuality is just as biased as the opposite. It’s not as oppressive, because we are the minority, but it’s still not, like, great. But mostly, I hate it when people overgeneralize and are inaccurate.
In the (approximate) immortal words of (probably John but maybe Hank) Green: Reality resists simplicity.
COMMENTARY OF BRILLIANCE.
File this one under: people who don’t realize aristophanes was kidding in symposium
Reblogging for falsettofetish’s awesome commentary.